Now Hiring Interns!

Depot Street Mafia, a real company, is seeking interns for the fall 2023 term.  The ideal candidate will be self driven, have a basic understanding of aerospace engineering, and be willing to work for no money of any kind, ever, under any circumstances, like not even two bucks to buy a cup of gas station coffee, I mean this, we're not going to pay you.  Not in money, not in stock, not in experience, even.  And, frankly, if we say we're going to write you a letter of recommendation, we'll probably get high and forget.  And if you call and text and email everyday to remind us, we'll probably get high and forget that, too.  

In addition, interested candidates should have the following education, experience, and skills:

Post graduate degree in aerospace engineering, computer science, or equivalent experience in felonies or internet entrepreneurship.  

Knowledge of where to score uppers, hallucinogens, or spare rocket parts in the Greater Ludlow Area.

3 or more years surviving on Depot Street, or an equally violent neighborhood of Vermont.

Don't be a dick.

A demonstrated ability to write and maintain a better website than this one.

The ability to help us set up all this new podcast equipment, and the wherewithal to remind us to record a new episode every Monday and Thursday, even if you have to really push us to do it, even if we really just want to sleep, no matter how hungover, drunk, stoned or busy we are.

The ability to make a really awesome egg sandwich when we're hungover or stoned.

The ability to talk us down if we're rolling or tripping too hard.

The ability to monetize a website.

Description of Duties:

Successful applicants will be assigned as Executive Assistant to either CEO Chris Combatti or CCO Weston Nicoll.  Daily duties will include creating summaries of daily reports from all department heads and c-level managers, creating daily schedules, and managing access to Mr. Combatti or Mr. Nicoll. 

While most of the work will be clerical, there will be periodic assignments outside the typical office environment.  And while most days will fall into the 9-5 time frame, often, and with little notice, the hours may change or be extended.  

All interns should be prepared to accept atypical duties which may include the following:

Getting liquored up with the boss at any hour of the day, even if it's not what either of you want.  I don't know if you heard, but there are no rules anymore.

Being launched into space at god-only-knows-what-speed at a moment's notice.  If I didn't mention this before, really, you should just be wearing the space suit most of the time.  

Cleaning blood, puke, piss, semen, or any other bodily fluids of the rocket launch pads.

Fist-fighting Elon Musk to the death.

Prank calling Jim Bridenstine.

Fetching me a goddamn crispy water.

Just, like, chill out for a while.

Take some petty cash, get on the B or the D to Grand St., walk two blocks down Chrystie to Wah Fung.  There's going to be a line.  Get two roast ducks and one pork, extra juice on both.  Get yourself something, too.  And a grape soda.  If you have to stop at another shop to get the soda, that's fine, but I don't want a coke, I don't want an orange soda, I want a god damn grape soda.  I don't know if it was you or the other intern, but somebody brought me a fucking orange soda, and I fucking hate orange soda.  If you can't find a grape soda, just don't bring me anything.  All right?  Because all I want is a god damn grape soda.

Know when the joke's gone too long.